All good things must come to an end...

With my going back to work, a great many changes have entered our household. After having me all day every day for the first 3+ months of his life, Hayden has had to adapt to my being gone for 8-9 (or more) hours a day. He's a very happy baby and our caregiver, Kara, is doing great with him. However, I honestly think he's mad that I go away each day. When I had workdays Monday and Tuesday he was so happy to see me come through the door. But by Wednesday, he wouldn't look at me when I got home. This crushed me. Same thing Thursday and Friday. He finally smiled at me late last night. I know this will resolve itself, and I can't wait until he's crawling and then walking and can come meet me at the door.

Another huge change is what being away from him all day is doing to my body. I do pump at school, but it's not the same as nursing. That being said, I am highly afraid my nursing days might be coming to an end. For the past two nights, Hayden has refused to nurse at bedtime. After much time and fussing, I've finally made a small bottle and given him something. He eventually nursed just a bit tonight, but it's not as it normally is. I told David I might be able to try pumping and giving it to him that way, but I just don't know if it'll work. That means hauling my pump to school and then home every day. He is just so big that filling him up and even holding him to nurse gets hard and heavy. My heart breaks that I might lose that special time with him. But he's having to take bottles throughout the day and that has really affected his eating process, I'm sure. He's already taking solids, and when he can sit on his own we can start juices. I'll tell you what, at this point I'm very ready for Hayden to be able to eat "our" food!

On another note, I'm very ready for him to sleep through the night. We've tried every suggestion we've been given, we've let him cry, etc. He just has his own agenda, apparently! And his new favorite wake up time is somewhere in the 4 AM hour, which is a pain for me because I have to get up at 5! But a co-worker shared the best mommy quote I've heard yet. She said someone once told her, "The days are long, but the years are short." Amen.