Tear...

I know this was inevitable at some point, but I was hoping to postpone it for as long as possible: the end of nursing. Hayden has decided he definitely prefers the bottle to me. Don't get me wrong--he likes what comes out but not the process of getting it out. Well, he usually takes 2 bottles during the day while I'm at school and I try to nurse every other time, but only in the middle of the night does he really take to me. So it looks like to the bottle we go. I'll continue to pump for as long as I can, but I can already tell that my production has slowed way down. As frustrating as the process of nursing can be sometimes, it is such a special bonding time. The positive I'm trying to focus on is that I was able to give him 4 solid+ months of me with very little supplementing. I gave Hayden the best start I could and I must refuse to feel shame or as a failure because we're moving into a new phase. We're responding to him and his needs and meeting them the best way possible. He loves his solid foods and soon we should be able to start juice, so it's not like he'll be getting non-stop formula all day long.

He's really noticed his feet and makes noise constantly. If this is an indication of him talking as a toddler, we're in trouble! Oh, and we've almost mastered rolling over!

Sleepy, sleepy

So Hayden is doing much better sleep-wise. We're still not going an entire night, but we've made great strides. Last night, for example, he was out about 8:15 and slept until 1 when he let me plug him, and then he slept until 3 before demanding a snack. Then it was lights out until 6:10 or so. I'm pretty pleased. We're getting closer and closer.

It's amazing how you learn to adapt when you have a baby. Maybe I'm just simply still running on adrenaline with the new school year, but while I'm tired, I'm not completely exhausted. It could also be that it's so great to be getting hours of sleep at a time instead of an hour; not as many as I'd like, but you understand. I mean, I wouldn't turn down an opportunity to be asleep by 8, but I can manage to stay up until between 9:30-10:00, get up and down during the night, and still rise for the day at 5 (if Hayden doesn't demand I'm up before then!). We still have our nights that aren't so great, but overall, we are so pleased with his progress. I know he can go a great length of time between meals---he went 7 last night, and even though he woke, he didn't eat. So there you have it: the way our nights are going. Not perfect, but super, fantastic, great, wonderful strides from even a week ago.

ps. Next Wednesday afternoon is his 4 month shots. I can't wait to know for sure how much he weighs and how long he is!

Oh, and if you saw my Facebook status from last night you know how my first hour home yesterday went: changed my work clothes, Hayden spit up all over me, the cat peed on our bedroom baseboard and in the hallway, I put Hayden in his swing to clean that up, he had a major blow-out that covered the swing, so my new t-shirt, his blanket that I had to pick him up with, his outfit, the swing cover, and a towel had to be washed, Hayden had to be bathed, and I needed a drink (just kidding) by the time we were done! That was all by 5:15 PM!!! Parenthood is GREAT!

Wake up!

Let's just say that the sleeping on the side is having very positive results. We're still waking somewhere between 12:30-2:30 for a feeding, but he's going right back down. The only down side is that he'll only go about 3-3 1/2 hours after that middle of the night feeding. Thus, he was awake this morning at 4:45--after I had plugged him at 3:30 to hold him off. Not sure how to get him to go a little longer. I might just have to wait on him to decide. But this is great progress! I'm beginning to think he's going to take after his cousin Gabe and not sleep through the night until month 8! Heavens no!!!

BACK to sleep?

Okay, so we may have finally solved the Hayden sleep crisis. Last night I fed him and rocked him then layed him down, just like his normal routine. He was immediately awake, as he is most nights, and then started his fussing. We've been letting him cry it out, trying to teach him to go to sleep on his own. So I waited my time, went in, soothed him, talked to him, sang, etc. This went on for an hour and a half. I was in the bedroom listening to Hayden and was about to go just feed him again and see if that helped when suddenly the baby monitor flashed red and I heard nothing. I didn't realize David had gone in to give me a break and turned the monitor off. I peeked in the nursery and found David rocking him. I left, unsure how Hayden would respond because he usually will only let me put him down. Finally, David came out of the nursery and said, "I think I've figured it out." I waited. "I don't think he likes sleeping on his back." All David did differently was put Hayden on his side, prop him with his pillow, and the kid was out. Huh.

I don't know if lying on his back upsets his acid reflux or the pressure hurts his gums or what, but it worked. He was out from right at 10 until 2:25, back asleep (really asleep) by 2:38, and slept until 5:50. AMAZING. I'm almost so anxious for bed tonight to see if this is the answer! If so, why, oh why, could we not have figured this out 3+ months ago? That's right because babies do not come with their own manual and every website, professional/specialist, baby book, etc., says to put babies on their backs. You know, the whole BACK to sleep campaign? Well, Hayden is our offspring and neither David nor I sleep on our backs. Guess the kiddo is the same way! I just really hope this is what has been keeping him from sleeping. Maybe, just maybe, we'll be on the way to a full night's sleep in the near future.

Tattle-tail, tattle-tail...

Or is it tattle-tale? Regardless, I think I'm about to have to be one. Unfortunately for all you inquiring minds, I really can't go into detail. I've tossed back and forth over whether to "report" what happened today, and I think I have to. I don't want to be labeled a tattler, and I want to remain anonymous, but I think it's a good bet that it could be deduced that I told. Oh well. I have to do what's right.

"I wish I could end my day with you!"

This is what one student told me recently. Just that simple remark made me feel good. No, English is not the most fun subject, but my students seem to enjoy coming to class. I'm trying to be stricter with discipline, and maybe the 54 minute period does make a big difference. I can relate to my students and I like forming relationships (you know, strictly teacher-student, nothing funny) with them. I'll never forget, though, one student telling me last year that I was the oldest young person he knew! Think about that. I use phrases like "peachy-keen" and others that suddenly escape me. Most have never heard this sort of "old-fashioned" language! Beats most of what I hear during the day.

Update on the Hayden sleep schedule: last night we went from 9ish to 2:30! That's a huge stretch for us! We tried the same little difference tonight that we used last night and we'll see the results in a few hours (hopefully). I plan to celebrate somehow the night he sleeps through! I honestly can't remember the last time I had a solid night's sleep; it has definitely been over 6 months. Probably closer to 8 or 9, come to think of it! I should capitalize on this time. Sweet dreams!

MAD

I'm just mad. And I'm even madder that I can't really explain too much about why I'm mad. I posted a status on Facebook that a parent took offense to. Well, they didn't take offense to my status but to a remark by someone else. So it sparked this big hooplah. Well, not too big, but I just deleted the comment to save it from growing any bigger. So I guess from now I'll just censor myself and the only child I'll ever refer to will be my son. Grow up, people. Yes, there's the Freedom of Privacy Act; no, I didn't mention any names; but yes, there's also a Freedom of Speech Act somewhere, too. Or wait---has that been taken away from us yet? Soon enough.

Who's the BOSS?

Well, if you took a poll in our household, Hayden would tell you that he is! But guess what? He's slowly learning that he's not. Having 3 full months with my son probably made me put off doing some things with him that I should have started much earlier. But I love that he's a cuddler and likes to snuggle close. Most of all, I love that he needs me. So I didn't bother to be firm about him putting himself to sleep and such things. Don't get me wrong--we have a routine and I don't hold him all day long, etc., but we have had to start some tough love with Hayden: we're letting him cry it out at night. I make sure he's full, not hurting because he's teething, and that he's dry when he goes down to bed. It takes roughly 40 minutes right now and numerous visits from me for him to put himself to sleep, but he can do it! I soothe him, but I do not pick him up. He simply wants to be held. I know his cries--which ones are "I'm hurting," which ones are "I'm mad," and which ones are "I need mom!" If we start bedtime between 7-7:30, he's down between 8:30-9. I hope I didn't just jinx myself! It's a slow process, and as much as it pains me to hear him cry, it could definitely be much worse. But I MUST have sleep this year and he has to learn. Once he's down, Hayden will sleep usually until midnight, then to either 3 or 4. I'm usually then up for the day at that point unless he'll go back to sleep. I try to get as much sleep until 5 as I can because my days are non-stop. I hardly have time to breathe this year. Things are starting to get into a routine, but it will be helpful when they're even more structured. Kara is doing great with him and she's really working to love him without letting him get too attached. I told you--I have this fear that he'll prefer his caregiver to me because he spends all day with her. Kara understands that and make sure he's well taken care of without becoming his world. I'm so grateful she's able to watch Hayden!

So my son is the boss yet he's not the boss. Make sense? Yes, his schedule runs our household in a sense, but he does not control it. Anyway, Hayden's just so dang cute that it takes all my willpower not to give in much of the time!

All good things must come to an end...

With my going back to work, a great many changes have entered our household. After having me all day every day for the first 3+ months of his life, Hayden has had to adapt to my being gone for 8-9 (or more) hours a day. He's a very happy baby and our caregiver, Kara, is doing great with him. However, I honestly think he's mad that I go away each day. When I had workdays Monday and Tuesday he was so happy to see me come through the door. But by Wednesday, he wouldn't look at me when I got home. This crushed me. Same thing Thursday and Friday. He finally smiled at me late last night. I know this will resolve itself, and I can't wait until he's crawling and then walking and can come meet me at the door.

Another huge change is what being away from him all day is doing to my body. I do pump at school, but it's not the same as nursing. That being said, I am highly afraid my nursing days might be coming to an end. For the past two nights, Hayden has refused to nurse at bedtime. After much time and fussing, I've finally made a small bottle and given him something. He eventually nursed just a bit tonight, but it's not as it normally is. I told David I might be able to try pumping and giving it to him that way, but I just don't know if it'll work. That means hauling my pump to school and then home every day. He is just so big that filling him up and even holding him to nurse gets hard and heavy. My heart breaks that I might lose that special time with him. But he's having to take bottles throughout the day and that has really affected his eating process, I'm sure. He's already taking solids, and when he can sit on his own we can start juices. I'll tell you what, at this point I'm very ready for Hayden to be able to eat "our" food!

On another note, I'm very ready for him to sleep through the night. We've tried every suggestion we've been given, we've let him cry, etc. He just has his own agenda, apparently! And his new favorite wake up time is somewhere in the 4 AM hour, which is a pain for me because I have to get up at 5! But a co-worker shared the best mommy quote I've heard yet. She said someone once told her, "The days are long, but the years are short." Amen.

Classroom Pictures

Here are a few pics from my classroom. I've since added more items and it is much homier in person than through photos, but here you go! Oh, the laterns hanging across the board and my back cabinet light up! David found them for me. I really like my classroom this year!

Year 2, cont...

I'm not sure where to start about Day 1. Let me put it this way--Hayden is already in bed at 6:00 (he's teething and isn't feeling well; we couldn't keep him awake if we tried. And we did try!) so I'm going to bed as well. His new favorite wake up time is 4 am, maybe 4:30. And I have to be up at 5; this morning I found myself begging for just one more hour. No such luck. My poor baby needed to eat! In his defense he hadn't eaten since 11 PM, so I sucked it up. I was so keyed up thinking last night that I didn't fall asleep til after 10, fed him at 11, went back to sleep by 11:30, and I think I was able to sleep from then til 4:30. I honestly can't remember.

So back to school. We were in the Gold Gym by 6:45. 8th grade then traipsed to our building for breakfast and the kids to get called for their 1st blocks, where they then got their schedules. Class that was supposed to begin at 7:15 found us leaving the cafeteria at 7:45. We are not on a bell schedule as the 8th grade, so we have to peek into the hall when it's time to change, get the nod from everyone on our team, then tell our kids to switch. MASS CHAOS. Oh, and we have 2 9th grade classrooms who are on block schedule (not 7 periods like us) on our hall. Have you ever tried to keep somewhere in the ballpark of 400 students quiet!? in the hallway? Doesn't happen.

Okay, so the other hiccup. 4-7 grades are still in trailers. Remember Katrina? Yeah. Since we're considered middle school now, and the middle school is located on the other side of the high school, students are being bussed to the trailers for choir, gym, and band. REALLY? Do you realize how long it takes to bus 150 kids at a time during a 55 minute period? Sigh. Here's a visual: our building is the Blue Building, then there's the Gold Building, and across the parking lot is the middle school. Not an easy walk, and that's where we'll have to go for all our mtgs.

I'm really trying to be positive, but I'm tired, my niceness quotient is dwindling, and there's no way to get much done during my planning period. Oh yeah, on top of that I have to pump at some time. My planning block is at 8 AM; I'm so not ready to pump by then and I can't make it from 6 AM til 2:45! So another teacher has to take my kiddos to lunch while I pump, then I have to bust it to the cafeteria (yes, we have to walk our students to lunch). What else? I then have 5 periods back to back and there's no way I can bring too much home. Until Hayden starts sleeping through the night, I'm not getting much done. And I can't get to work any earlier. I have to get myself ready and nurse him before I leave. I've even been having to wake him in order to feed him, poor baby. I'll be so glad when I find a medium; I would say happy medium, but I don't know if that's possible.

I'm sorry this is a complaining post, but I just don't think this is working out the way it was intended, but we'll see. Quite a few things are different than they were "supposed" to be. My last complaint (I hope) is our IST students-- in-school tutorial kids. They're having to pass whatever subject they failed to get caught up with the grade they should be in. So I have 9th graders come in for not my entire period, then they get up and leave. It's so awkward. I don't mind helping these students pass 8th grade, but how do you really expect to run 2 grades in one building when one follows the bells, the other doesn't; one is on 4 blocks, the other 7 periods; and the 8th grade is completely separated from the rest of our faculty?

I've got to get some rest. Who ever thought I'd be in bed before 7!? If I bite your head off this year over nothing, I'm sorry. I have one period I really, really like, and 2 that I see us going round and round. I'll keep you posted!

ps. No pictures yet. Sorry! But I did get kudos on my room!

Year 2

As soon as I have more than 10 minutes I'm going to put up pics of my classroom and talk about this new year and all the changes that have been thrown at us. Right now I'm just exhausted.

Teething

So my son has decided to hit teething full force this week. We're talking Baby Orajel, Baby Tylenol, drooling, sucking/chewing on fingers...you name it, we're dealing with it. Tonight was the worst, but thank goodness for medicine! What a time for him to be in pain; not that there is ever a good time, but this week=back to school. That also means getting up at 5:15. So this is going to be a short post.

School starts Wednesday at 7:15, but we have to be there between 6:30-6:45. Fun times. I am just so thankful I don't have to get Hayden up and out the door by like 6. But I'm desperately hoping we get into a decent routine: naps at a certain time, eating at designated times, etc. I haven't been very good at establishing a schedule. We have one for bedtime, but my days have been so unplanned this summer (and I've been learning a lot about having a newborn) that I haven't been diligent about setting a strict routine. Plus, thus far I've been able to cuddle with him just about every morning and/or take afternoon naps. I'm heartsick. I'm going to miss these special times; I'm so glad I had 3 months of uninterrupted time with my baby, but going back to work makes me want to cry. The upside is that I should be home around 3 each day. But I'll definitely be going to bed earlier, too! That said, good night, all!

Childcare

We may have found someone to watch Hayden! Nothing is set in stone yet, and we're about to meet with the person, but it's a girl I completely trust and an answer I would not have thought of. Just say a special prayer that this will work out. Why does God wait until the last minute?