What I've Learned...

Dear Hayden,

In the nearly 3 months you have filled our arms and our home, you have taught me a great deal. You have filled our hearts and our lives for far longer than 3 months, and that time before we held you was spent in anticipation, excitement, anxiety, and preparation.

You have taught me that the most well-intended advice does not always work.

You have taught me that you can sense my presence in a room before I even speak to you or before you see me.

You have taught me that I can pick you up from behind and you immediately know it's mommy.

You have taught me how to soothe and calm you, usually just by speaking your name or by touching you.

You have taught me that you know ultimate security when in my arms.

You have taught me that the going to bed process can take 2+ hours.

You have taught me how to create songs on the spot and how to include your name in some fashion in each one.

You have taught me how to make myself look like the biggest goofball when entertaining, soothing, and loving on you.

You have taught me that watching you sleep is better than any television show.

You have taught me that you need me more than I ever imagined and that my simply leaving the room you're in (even if daddy is holding you) can cause panic.

You have taught me a completely new and different routine, one in which some days I might not get a shower and others in which you need my comfort all day long.

You have taught me how to survive on limited sleep, and in many cases, just how few hours I can get and still be sociable.

You have taught me how to know the greatest frustration and most satisfying joy in the same moment.

You have taught me that feeding you can take much longer than I ever expected, was told, or could have imagined. (Thankfully, this has drastically changed!)

You have taught me that the worst moment, hour, and day can be brightened by a toothless smile or happy giggle from you. (And that things are never as bad as I really believe they are.)

You have taught me that I am just beginning to see how much I will sacrifice for you and because of you, and that every last sacrifice is worth it. I would give my life for you.

You have taught me that it doesn't matter how I look; you love to stare at me and follow my every move.

You have taught me that your coos and giggles and yells are the sweetest soundtrack.

You have taught me what I can and can no longer eat; ie., pizza and homemade tacos.

You have taught me just how heavy the lightest carseat becomes when filled with your solid 16 lb. frame!

You have taught me that I have more patience than I realized.

You have taught me the mommy look!

You have taught me that you don't care how superficial, jealous, and petty I can be. In many ways, you have helped change these unattractive traits of mine.

You have taught me just how quickly time passes.

Son, you have taught me all this and much more. I am not an expert, nor will I ever be. Thankfully, you are forgiving, resilient, and as in love with me as I am with you. I learn something new every day with you. I pray you never stop teaching me as I seek to guide, mold, teach, and help shape you. You are so special and you are so loved, and I do my best to tell you both of these multiple times a day. I hope you know this.

Love,
Mommy