Is that a mop on my head?

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with an actual mop, but figuratively speaking, this is about what Hayden's head looked like! David and I can never say that our child needs more hair. I had been able to keep it trimmed and shaped for the most part, but we finally reached a point where my limited expertise was no longer enough. So we took Hayden to Gulfport yesterday (we had some shopping to do) and had his hair cut. Below are some pictures from the experience.

Our stylist for the day, Ashley, has a 3YO herself, so she was wonderful with Hayden. He sat by himself for the entire cut, and when he got wiggly, she provided a few suckers for him. I didn't think this through very well; I had the camera, but forgot a bag for a lock of his hair and didn't think about any sort of distraction. But we made it with very minimal needs and he looks wonderful. I forgot to take a picture of him dressed for church this morning, but he's now truly a little boy. No more baby! I'm just glad I can see his eyes again and his "mop" is tamed...for a day or two, at least!

First haircut: 1/29/11 Cost Cutters, Gulfport, MS

No Word

Absolutely no word (well, except for one saying the position was filled) from ANY of the churches I sent my resume to. While that's slightly discouraging, David and I have been exploring other options and discussing where we want our lives to go, where we feel led.

I have to tell you, I hate this. All of it. This waiting and wondering. This anticipation and discouragement. This YES! then No.

Do you remember thinking as a kid in school that when you were an adult everything would make sense? Everything would be easier? And every adult laughed in your face when you talked about just wanting to be older and have a job, etc., etc., etc.? Well, I thought it. And said it. And most days I'd give anything to be one of my students where my biggest worry is middle school drama. Don't get me wrong...some of my kids come from some crazy households, and their everyday lives are insanely worse than my worst day. I get that.

I don't want this to sound like I hate my life. That's not it. I'm just tired of feeling like we're called to more, yet this and that are holding us back. It's frustrating to feel called to contact churches, then not hear a word. I've done this before, so I do have an idea how it works. But it's still difficult when you know in just a few short months you have to sign a contract for next year.

Things have simply been worse for me because between me being sick, then David, and now Hayden, I've had WAY too much time to think. If you know me at all, this is a b.a.d thing! I start stressing and worrying and bugging the crud out of David. Poor man.

So that's just where I am today. Hayden is fantastic. Complete sentences and outrageous stories. He's so smart!! He loves to help clean, and like me, he can't stand for doors and drawers to be left open. He may look like his daddy, but he's definitely me made over!! David has been wonderful with me...patient, understanding, and wanting the absolute b.e.s.t for our family. I'm so immensely blessed to have a man know me and love me the way he does!

Real

It's now real. No more just talking. I just sent out my resume to about 6 or 7 churches. Here's to playing the waiting game!

My heart isn't sure how to feel right now. It's a mixture of relief, anxiety, and everything in between!

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Just a sidenote: Here are a few recent pictures of Hayden that I just love!

New Year, New You

Okay, so 2011 is probably going to be bringing many changes to our lives. Some of these I'm ready to talk about, and some I'm not. While I know putting my thoughts out there can help with accountability, there are just a few things I'm not quite ready to share.

I always fear that when I say "changes are coming," people automatically assume we're pregnant. Why? Because this has happened over and over and over and... Well, we're not. To my knowledge, there are no plans for another Ainsworth this coming year. God may have other plans, but for right now, we're making other life decisions before we bring another baby into our lives.

Those changes might very well involve career and location changes. I don't think I'm jumping the gun throwing that out now. Most of you know that I'm looking to go back into children's ministry. And David's job, while he's very good and has moved up consistently, is not permanent. That is not where my husband's heart is; it's not his calling. And I'm not going any further than that right now.

After being home with Hayden the past 2 weeks, we've seen significant changes in his personality. He's always a pleasant child and fun, but he's been different. That's gotten us thinking, "Should I be a stay-at-home mom?" We know this much: we can't stay in our current house or living the way we do if I were to stop teaching. I'm not saying that's our plan, but it could be another change for 2011. I have the utmost respect for stay-at-home mothers because there have been many moments when I needed a break and couldn't take one. Hayden is wonderful, but some days are very trying!

I don't know where else to go with this post. I have a million and one thoughts rolling in my head and I can't put them all down. David and I are still discussing many of them. Silly planner than I am, I want those answers now! But it's not time. Even if I knew some of the answers, there's not a thing I could do as I'm under contract until June 1.

So all of that being said, does anyone have any advice on writing a statement of faith? David and I both need to get one written! Thanks!