"Little" Big Al

Halloween 2010

18

18 month stats:

35.4 lbs
35.5 " tall

No horse jockeying in my son's future!

"I Will Always Love You"

It has been a rough week with Hayden. He is either cutting his final teeth, hitting a major growth spurt, or both. Either way, he has been very whiny and sleeping more than normal. His appetite has been somewhat off.

Tonight, David and I were trying to keep him until bedtime, so maybe, just maybe, we can sleep past 6 on a Saturday morning! We didn't make it to his normal bedtime, but we did have some sweet moments before we put him down. Hayden loves to dance, so Dave put on one of the tv music stations. Hayden started really boogying! He was beginning to wear down when Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" came across the screen. I took one of Hayden's hands in each of my own and tried to sort of dance that way with him; he only held his arms up. I hoisted him up (he's gotten VERY heavy) and he gave me the biggest hug and left his head on my shoulder. We swayed back and forth, with him occasionally looking me in the eyes, while I softly sang to him. That lasted for about half the song. I'm telling you, my heart was swelling with love.

As I thought it about half an hour later, all I could envision was a Mother/Son dance years from now at a wedding, and I nearly boo-hooed! I love that kid.

Guilty

I'll never understand why some people can bear children when others whose hearts long and bodies ache to have children, can not. But that's an entirely other discussion. My reason for this post is quick and simple: sometimes I feel guilty. I feel guilty that David and I can have children easily. And we have a healthy son, a happy boy. But we have scores of friends who have had years of trouble or who have yet to get pregnant. I know there are tons of answers for not feeling guilty and all that, but regardless, sometimes I still do. But again, I'm not here to argue that point.

A couple we know was finally able to get pregnant...with twin girls. Through a lot of heartache this past week, they lost both babies...at separate times. I've cried for them, held Hayden extra long, and had a stomach full of knots. David went yesterday to spend time with the husband while they are still at the hospital in P'cola. (I'm telling you...it's a VERY long story.) But what really made me pause last night is when David said he and the husband went in to see our friend and they began talking about what to wear home when they're released. They live here in Ocean Springs, she went into labor unexpectedly while visiting her at Eglin AFB, and through complications, lost both girls and nearly her own life. It's like her body rejected the babies. Ohhhh...it hurts to type that. So...the husband is talking about clothes and he says, "You can just wear what you wore here Monday." And she apparently looked at him and simply replied, "_____, those are maternity clothes." I wanted to cry all over again. What a thought I never considered.

How blessed I am.

Ready for 2?

Not a day goes by that I don't get asked if we're ready for number 2. Sometimes this question sincerely annoys me. That is strictly David's and my business. Don't get me wrong; we will have another child, but we don't feel the timing is right...right now. Although, every time I get onto Facebook or talk to an "old" friend, we discover someone new is pregnant! So that does get one thinking! And while I absolutely adore being pregnant, we aren't ready to grow our family just yet. Of course, I have to remember that my second pregnancy could be the exact opposite of my first (I had no sickness...at all, ever; no cravings; etc. If my belly hadn't grown, we might not have known anything!)!

Hayden's at such a great age. He's really into "dancing" (which is more like a "stanky leg" with a few spins and head shakes thrown in and rapid arm movements!). He's actually listening very well. He's sleeping through the night and typically wakes in a ready-to-go mood. He's communicating well and knows his body parts...still focused on his belly button, though! He loves school. And he's just so darn cute! I think David and I are just so enjoying being able to lavish everything on Hayden for right now. Maybe that's selfish, but whatever. For our child's size, he has a very tender heart and one day he'll be a fantastic big brother.

So...for any wonderers, yes, there will be a baby #2. When? I have no idea! For now, we're just soaking up every bit of Hayden's sweet kisses and tight hugs!

Drama

For all the stress and aggravation the students have been causing, I am amazingly thankful that my team of teachers cooperates, works well together, and genuinely likes one another! I witnessed an exchange in the hallway today that left me reeling...between 2 teachers...over a study guide. Yep, you read that right. Seems wrong, doesn't it? Especially since these two teachers are on the same team!

Due to the kids' attitudes this week (and last), we checked the moon schedule. Nope, no full moon. I'm still perplexed at the audacity of children today. Well, that is only until we meet some of their parents! And then so much makes sense. It's been a very interesting nine weeks, and overall, I'm very proud of my self-control.

There have been a few breakthroughs in the past weeks, but many days, we feel like we're spinning our wheels. I feel as though I'm pretty much on track, but I know others who can barely get lesson plans done. And these are some of the senior teachers in my building!

On a lighter note, the weather has been gorgeous and I've started running again. I have much ground to gain, but I already feel better about myself, which is a HUGE step. Hayden has been in the best mood and (*jinx*) is listening pretty well! His vocabularly is amazing and he definitely knows what he likes and doesn't. I've seen more Elmo than I ever thought I would! Pia is making her first cupcakes for parties tomorrow and she did a great job. Next week is Spirit Week and I have my mullet ready!

Standing Up For Myself

For the first time ever, I have learned how to stand up for myself. I don't know what caused the switch, but I sure like it. I have always been a people-pleaser; I hate when people don't like me--for whatever reason. Maybe this change has to do with teaching middle schoolers. One young man said recently, "No offense, Mrs. Ainsworth, but I really don't like you." And you know what? I didn't care; my feelings weren't hurt in the least. And that's a huge step for me!

I've been placed in many situations lately where I've had to speak up and defend myself. I've taken too much stuff from too many people for too long and tried to smooth over the situation later. Why? Because I can't stand conflict or drama. But at the risk of sounding arrogant, I'm very proud of myself and this recent maturity!

Don't you hate...

Don't you hate when you've had an incredibly long week and want nothing more than to crawl into bed or onto the couch, and yet someone is coming over and you have to entertain? Yep, that's my evening ahead.

Don't you hate when you think you've had all you can stomach of something (ie. Elmo) and yet, it's the only thing that will comfort your child?

But don't you love when you've tried all week to get students to follow instructions and set the example for the rest of the school and you fight and fight and fight every day until one day it finally clicks?

I can't even relate the complete events of my week I'm so exhausted.