"R is for racetrack"

Today Hayden went to his first day of school! It was only for 2 hours (same thing tomorrow) to help him get ready for next week when he'll be there all 5 days, all day. I don't know if I'm ready for that! Hayden seems to be though; he walked right in today and started playing. His teacher said he fussed for just a bit once he realized I was truly gone, but then he was fine. I knew he would be.

His teacher, Ms. Kara, is fantastic! They even did a project today. I have to start a memory box to keep all his goodies in. I know it will overflow amazingly quickly! The project was "R is for racetrack." It's a handdrawn racetrack and the kiddos put beans on the paper to symbolize cars, trucks, etc. It's adorable! *sniffle*

I didn't get very much done in my classroom while he was there, but I was able to scrounge up a long, low bookshelf. It's drying outside in the sun right now.

Can it really be back-to-school time already? (Though I must admit, buying school supplies excites me!)

Too Much on the Mind

Ever have so much on your mind that you're not sure where to even begin? The bad part is, as much as I want to share some of it, I can't. So now that I have your curiosity up, I'll just post vague references to what I'm thinking:


-attitude
-unhappy with my weight
-feeling left out (this is too broad to explain)
-anxiety over the new school year
-anxiety over having Hayden dropped at daycare by 6:30 AM
-jealousy (again, too broad)
-parenting is wonderful...and amazingly difficult
-frustration with stupidity and double standards
-lack of professionalism

There are others, but you get the idea. I'm not perfect, I struggle, and I hold on to things w.a.y too long. I stress, get overanxious, and worry constantly. These are issues I know get the better of me way too often. I have a great deal to work on, but that's where I stand.

ATL

This weekend David and I took our first couples' trip with our good friends Dustin and Rachel Williams. We stayed near the airport and took in a Braves game, visited the Georgia Aquarium, and toured the World of Coke. We also visited Northpoint Community Church on Sunday morning, ate way too much, and shopped. I finally learned to play Spades, and we just had a great time!

The only awkward moment came in the mall at Payless, when a group of 4 teenage girls approached us and asked if they could lay hands on and pray for us. It's a long story, but apparently by God telling them to look for purple flip-flops it led them to us. They said some pretty crazy and inaccurate things, but we humored them. It was odd, so odd.

Women

This post is pretty rhetorical, but I needed to let fly some thoughts anyway.

Why are women so emotional? (Again, pretty rhetorical.)

Why do we nitpick e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g people say? Or the manner in which they say it?

Why do women, most of us, wear our emotions on our faces? This gets me into a lot of trouble!

Why does everything have a double meaning with us?

Why do we, especially as mothers, do more work than anyone, and it's overlooked because it's expected? (David, you're not allowed to read more into this statement than what is written.)

I'm not upset, I'm not unhappy, I just wanted to get these thoughts out of my mind. Even with not working right now, there are many days I am simply tired. Exhausted. And that's hard for some people to fathom because I'm not in school at the moment. I'm emotionally drained.

Thankfully, we have a short vacation this next weekend. Here's to much needed rest and a break from the Gulf Coast!

Trucks & Trains

Hayden and I just returned from the grocery store. We put away groceries, had a snack, and started a load of laundry. Throughout it all, he was underfoot...nothing new. My little shadow followed me from room to room. As he sat down to play in his room, I ventured back through the house, avoiding trucks, trains, and books. Somedays I merely pick up toys all.day.long. He's learning to keep things in specific locations but if you have children, you know how easily things disappear.

Anyway, my point is this: I grow so easily frustrated some days (especially those nights when I go in to check on him and step on an ambulance that starts wailing and nearly wakes him) about toys being everywhere. But I stopped for a moment in the midst of my bedroom, looked at two trucks I had just sidestepped, and nearly wept. Why? Because tonight we're having a friend for supper who would love nothing more than to fill a house with children. Due to complications, she and her husband have not been able to do so. It's not my place to divulge her personal history, but I have seen how she longs to hold a baby--her baby. She's fantastic with Hayden, and I'm sure she'd adore having trucks, trains, books, and all sorts of toys strewn across her home. So while I'm complaining, a dear friend would love to be in my place. Just the thought was enough to give me pause.

We had a family reunion this weekend, and multiple relatives asked me, after hearing Hayden say nonstop, "Momma, Momma, Momma...", if I ever tired of that. My reply was simple--"I once did, but then I realized one day I won't be cool enough for him, so I don't let myself tire of hearing my name now." Plain and simple.