So much to consider

This afternoon David and I went and checked out the first childcare place we had been told about. It's a lady I know pretty well from back in the day who comes highly recommended. She keeps babies in her home, and while I trust her, it just isn't right. NOT AT ALL. There are so many things that aren't right about the situation, but I'll keep those private. David and I left and immediately shared all the same thoughts. If push comes to shove and this is our only option, it's not horrible. But it's not what we want for our baby. Does that make sense? I know in my heart what I want to happen, but I can't write that here just yet. We have to do some talking to this person. Pray that her heart might be softened toward keeping Hayden. The situation would be ideal, and I can understand her reasons for possibly not wanting to babysit, but the whole thing is making me frantic. If we'd never come back here, David could be a stay-at-home dad while I taught. The thing is, I wasn't finding a job in Desoto County. So now we're having to make this tough decision for our baby, and I feel the whole situation is my fault. We're throwing around a couple options in our head, but I feel like we're not getting anywhere. I'm trying hard to stay calm for my son, but we still need so much and have so much to decide about. I'm sure every new parent(s)-to-be go through this. Thanks for the prayers and encouragement. I've got to learn to relax.