Tough Week

It's been a long week. I know why God designated parenting to be a duo-affair. There were many times this week I wasn't a very good mom. In fact, I hated who I was. What I had become. I'm working diligently on many things in my life. I haven't quite nailed it yet. Hayden isn't on the schedule I imagined he would be, but what we have is working. And he's getting to be a little boy; for me, that's honestly more important than he know 100 sight words. It is. Shoot me. I'm not a Pinterest-perfect mom. I'm Jamie. I'm selfish. I'm a failure many days. I succeed other days. I want to be a good minister's wife. A great minister's wife. I wish I kept my mouth shut more. Why do I tell people so much junk about my life? Why do I lose my cool? Why do I worry any time I have down moments? Why is losing weight such a struggle? Why am I not happy with me?

AAGH! This is how my brain operates ALL.DAY.LONG. What can I do to be busy right now? What should I have Hayden learning? What do I need to do for a future classroom (and an update on the job situation will come soon; just know that not a single public school has asked for an interview. FAIL. Talk about feeling worthless.)? What do I cook for lunch/supper? Is laundry done? What else can I clean? How long is my checklist today? Am I supposed to be somewhere that I've forgotten about?

I made a conscious effort this week to check on friends at the moment God brought them to mind. I had gotten very complacent in muttering quick prayers: "God, please help so-and-so with all the stuff she's going through. Amen." Yep, heartlfelt and sincere. Saying junk like this at the same time laying my life on the line and whining about all the stuff I have going on. I was blessed by conversations with friends and talk that didn't center around me. Our immediate neighbors are moving back to Oklahoma; they've been so welcoming and become friends in our month in Fort Worth. I'll miss their family of 4.

David is at Student Life camp at Covenant College in Georgia. I've really missed my husband this week. I never want to complain on FB about missing my husband for days/weeks because we have dear friends with deployed spouses. My summer of craziness is nothing compared to half a year+ that friends of mine have to be single moms with multiple children. David and I had a great conversation late last night about what had transpired with his students at camp. I have no doubt that this is exactly where God wanted him to be for the past few months. I also see how God is going to use his time there to transition him to seminary and service in Fort Worth. My husband's faith and ministry-heart is exactly what I prayed for before I ever met him. Don't get me wrong, it's taken me nearly six years of marriage to realize what I have and how he thinks. He challenges many. He's not a typical Southern Baptist. I pray I become the help-mate he needs beside as we travel the years ahead.

Finding Our Way

I love and hate moving. I love setting up a new "home." I hate all the firsts that accompany moving: finding a new church, new activities to be involved in, new job(s) in this case, even things as trivial as new hairdressers. Things are going well for us here in Fort Worth, but there are still mountains of firsts that need to be tackled.

I have been on one official job interview at a Christian school. I'm not sure whether I'll be offered a position or not, so I'm still applying at local districts as well. I'll admit that sometimes it is very frustrating to talk to family and that be the first thing asked. Every day I work on a potential job opportunity in some fashion; trust me, it's at the top of my priority list. But I just can't fathom how after the way God has orchestrated every detail thus far that He'd leave me hanging. He won't. And maybe He's preparing me for something better.

Hayden started "school" at the Mother's Day Out program on campus today. I'm not counting today as his first official day; something about it being the end of May doesn't make it feel very "school-like." He enjoyed it though and I think the few hours apart each week this summer are going to be good for us. Until we know finances and schedules, we haven't wanted to over-commit ourselves just yet. Hayden may play basketball in June/July and there's a kids' gym called The Little Gym that offers gymnastics/tumbling classes for young kids. That may be perfect for him as he loves to climb. Classes coincide a bit with MDO or are offered only on Wednesdays, so we're still looking into that. Plus, every moment that he can be outside, he is. We have what is considered the plastic playground in the center of our six buildings of townhomes. Eventually, I'm sure I'll add pictures of our home, but I have a few touches I'd like to still add. Some days our townhome feels huge; other days, I feel there's nowhere to hide!

I haven't been very diligent in working with Hayden on his reading skills. I have quite a few things I haven't been very consistent in. Must.get.butt.in.gear.

David leaves for youth camp next week, so he's been here this week with us. It's almost strange when he's here because he's still working on so much in Biloxi and neither of us leaves for work. I'm thankful for the structure that MDO will help provide and it gives Hayden something to look forward to. I hope to be able to use that time on Tuesdays and Thursdays to get some good workouts in. I have A LOT of work to do in that area.

I really want to invest in our community and get involved in everything that's available. For example, the Fort Worth Zoo offers a "school" on Wednesdays during the school year for kids to learn school skills using the animals, their habitats, and eating habits. It looks amazing. The price seems high, but really I suppose it's not for an entire year. But again, while I'd love to involve Hayden in it, we'd need a second car and to be sure it was a wise money investment. In a sense, there's almost TOO much to be involved in here!

We do look forward to continuing to partake of fabulous BBQ and shopping and getting to attend some Texas Rangers games and make visits to Six Flags. I'll be much calmer once we have a routine and my job in place!

Painting My Toenails

My house is a disaster, I still have clothes in suitcases, job applications need to be completed, and my to do list grows daily. So how am I handling everything that needs to be done? By painting my toenails. I'll stress again tomorrow.