Allow Me to Ramble...

Please...if you read this at all...allow me to ramble. I have a gazillion thoughts rolling around my head, so this post may seem all over the place.

I haven't written anything in awhile for several reasons. 1. I have become very guarded about some issues and will keep those thoughts to myself. 2. We've been extremely busy since we returned to the States. 3. My computer completely reset itself so it rarely works correctly right now.

Vancouver. While the majority of our families don't understand why we even went and think our time was a complete failure, I am beginning to see exactly why God sent us--even if it was only for eight months. We know He used that time to get us out of our comfort zones. And trust me, I'm having to rely on Him fully for several big things right now. Most days I feel calm and secure that He has everything lined up; yesterday was not one of those days! I worried from the time I arose until the time I finally collapsed into exhaustion. I can see how God is using our experiences in Canada to set up relationships and circumstances here that will allow us to use those in the near and far future. That seems like such an obscure sentence, but I see some very real possibilities of our still being in ministry, and I have quite a few different ideas on how that could look.

I've begun to learn that what people say about me/us behind closed doors doesn't really matter. Sure, it hurts. Sure, it never completely leaves your brain. In the end, however, I've seen how our obedience and faithfulness has proven true repeatedly. I'll take following God's plan over having to defend myself against my family/friends any day.

Speaking of friends, I can sense that my relationship with a close friend has changed. It's hard. She was the one person who I would go to for anything; now I feel all she does is harp on Hayden and how he's acting in her home (and I know she loves him). It's just odd and hard to explain. I feel defensive when I'm around her. It makes me miss a good friend I just really started forming an intimate relationship with in Canada. She's an American and who knows, we may end up near one another again someday.

We are going to Texas shortly; Hayden and I will go on in the coming days and David will stay with a friend through the summer and keep working at our home church. Getting jobs for the time we were here was actually never part of our agenda but God works all things together for good.

I'm very anxious to find a job for next school year. I keep preparing even though I don't know where I'll be yet. I keep thinking back to the summer I had resigned St. Martin and planned to open a daycare with a "friend." She then dropped me like a bad habit, and I was stuck with no job. Within three weeks (in July!) I had a job at a great school that I never would have applied to had the entire situation never happened. I just have to keep trusting that even though it's already April, it's only April, if that makes any sense.

I felt like I had more personal things to say, but as I said, I'm guarding many of my words for several reasons. I thank God for my loving husband who wants nothing more than to serve. Canada did David good; he learned a great deal, he's ready for school, and who knows, maybe more church planting? I once told my family I would marry a pastor some day; that didn't mean he would be a preacher. David is that man. I'm enjoying watching God shape him and prepare him, and I love the way my husband thinks. He balances me so well. We have uncertain (to us) certain (to Him) days ahead that are already mapped; here's to following that blueprint.