Allow Me to Ramble...

Please...if you read this at all...allow me to ramble. I have a gazillion thoughts rolling around my head, so this post may seem all over the place.

I haven't written anything in awhile for several reasons. 1. I have become very guarded about some issues and will keep those thoughts to myself. 2. We've been extremely busy since we returned to the States. 3. My computer completely reset itself so it rarely works correctly right now.

Vancouver. While the majority of our families don't understand why we even went and think our time was a complete failure, I am beginning to see exactly why God sent us--even if it was only for eight months. We know He used that time to get us out of our comfort zones. And trust me, I'm having to rely on Him fully for several big things right now. Most days I feel calm and secure that He has everything lined up; yesterday was not one of those days! I worried from the time I arose until the time I finally collapsed into exhaustion. I can see how God is using our experiences in Canada to set up relationships and circumstances here that will allow us to use those in the near and far future. That seems like such an obscure sentence, but I see some very real possibilities of our still being in ministry, and I have quite a few different ideas on how that could look.

I've begun to learn that what people say about me/us behind closed doors doesn't really matter. Sure, it hurts. Sure, it never completely leaves your brain. In the end, however, I've seen how our obedience and faithfulness has proven true repeatedly. I'll take following God's plan over having to defend myself against my family/friends any day.

Speaking of friends, I can sense that my relationship with a close friend has changed. It's hard. She was the one person who I would go to for anything; now I feel all she does is harp on Hayden and how he's acting in her home (and I know she loves him). It's just odd and hard to explain. I feel defensive when I'm around her. It makes me miss a good friend I just really started forming an intimate relationship with in Canada. She's an American and who knows, we may end up near one another again someday.

We are going to Texas shortly; Hayden and I will go on in the coming days and David will stay with a friend through the summer and keep working at our home church. Getting jobs for the time we were here was actually never part of our agenda but God works all things together for good.

I'm very anxious to find a job for next school year. I keep preparing even though I don't know where I'll be yet. I keep thinking back to the summer I had resigned St. Martin and planned to open a daycare with a "friend." She then dropped me like a bad habit, and I was stuck with no job. Within three weeks (in July!) I had a job at a great school that I never would have applied to had the entire situation never happened. I just have to keep trusting that even though it's already April, it's only April, if that makes any sense.

I felt like I had more personal things to say, but as I said, I'm guarding many of my words for several reasons. I thank God for my loving husband who wants nothing more than to serve. Canada did David good; he learned a great deal, he's ready for school, and who knows, maybe more church planting? I once told my family I would marry a pastor some day; that didn't mean he would be a preacher. David is that man. I'm enjoying watching God shape him and prepare him, and I love the way my husband thinks. He balances me so well. We have uncertain (to us) certain (to Him) days ahead that are already mapped; here's to following that blueprint.

Sense of Humor

I've learned much about God's sense of humor. We left Canada with plans to spend about six weeks at my parents' house before moving into missionary housing in Keller, TX, the beginning of April. We would then be moving onto campus at Southwestern. Things have changed much since early February.

We are with my parents, but I secured a long-term subbing position in 7th grade English at one of my former schools. We aren't leaving right at the end of this month, but closer to mid-April. David is now serving as the interim student minister at our home church (a process that happened almost literally overnight). He's doing an amazing job, and we feel so welcomed back.

My former principal has basically offered me a position for next school year, and David could have this job as long as he truly desires, but we know that if we don't go on to TX, we'll never leave. We will put off school again and again, just as we've done for the past six years. That can't happen again. Hayden and I are going to go on to TX, and David is going to spend the summer here with someone (we haven't worked out that detail yet).

We plan to move onto campus in August; I have contacted 90 middle schools (yes, 90, and they're within a half hour of campus). There are many, many details to figure out but we never dreamed we'd be in any position of making money while we're here. Since we have an entire house full of furniture to replace and coming semesters of school to pay for, we are blown away at God's provision.

Every time WE create a plan of action, God laughs at us...and then He gives us something insanely better. I'm so glad He knows what the coming months hold. I don't particularly want to spend the next several months separated from David, but we know it must happen.

Right now, a runny nose and sore throat that began with allergies, has progressed into something more, I'm afraid. Unfortunately, we don't have insurance at the time, so I'm doing as much OTC medication as I can. I honestly think I need rest more than anything, but my mom says she hopes I don't develop bronchitis. Here's to hoping more sleep, not talking, and prayer help me feel better soon. It's starting to really hurt to talk and swallow, and I sound like a teenage boy going through puberty!

Long-Term Sub

We feel God keeps affirming the decision to leave Canada. We are only in MS about six weeks; on Sunday night, mere hours after we unloaded the car, a local teacher friend messaged me to see if I would be interested in subbing at her school for they are in desperate need. I said sure. David advised me to email a former principal too, just to see my options. She responded first thing the next morning that she needed a long-term sub and asked if could I start immediately. So here I find myself having completed Day 1. It went well, but I can tell I'm not in MY classroom with my materials or my kids. But the time I get rolling good, it'll be time to step out. That's okay, though. I'm very much enjoying being back in the classroom and planning lessons. When we moved to Canada we realized just how much I viewed my classroom as my mission field. My students are my babies, my darlings.

This week was not how I imagined things going, but I'm so thankful God knows best and He provides. It feels good to be busy doing something productive (infer from that what you will). I'm also very thankful it's Friday!

DFW

Some of you know exactly what those initials stand for: Dallas/Fort Worth. When we knew it was very likely we were leaving Canada, we began praying through where we'd like to begin building our lives long-term. Through a series of events and circumstances, DFW repeatedly stood out. There are several reasons, but I'll highlight a few.

-David has needed to go back to school since before we were married. Because we had two very good jobs and a very comfortable lifestyle, we put off this huge decision again and again. Now here we were, leaving a country with the door wide open before us. So we began researching and praying about which campus and city would be right for us. And no offense to any NOBTS grads, New Orleans is not the right place for us. Southwestern stuck out for multiple reasons and we are here on campus for a tour, seeing the area, and I'm talking to schools.

-That brings me to another reason for DFW--teaching. Do you have any idea how many districts/schools are in this area? I'm getting into a school system tomorrow that has as many schools as the ENTIRE MS Gulf Coast. Teachers also make a good bit more here which will help off-set some of the cost of David's schooling.

-Finally, we are within a day's driving distance to all of our family in MS or a very short plane ride. This certainly beats being in several airports and at least 5+ hours on airplanes away.

There is quite a bit going on here. We've tried to do a good bit of exploring and looking into opportunities for our family. After our tour today, we feel an even greater peace about our decision. We have several months ahead of figuring things out but God hasn't failed us yet. I wish I had all the answers; so do our families, I suppose! The fact is, we are living more on faith than we ever have before. And like I said, God hasn't let us down yet!

What's Going On?

I know many of my posts lately have been quite cryptic. The following is the message we sent to our prayer partners concerning our ministry here in Vancouver. Things are not always what they seem, so I hope this sheds some light for those curious souls. (David wrote this in case the tense or references seem odd.)
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You all have been such an important part of the process my family has gone through over the last year and with that I wanted to let you all know of some changes that are happening in regards to our ministry here at The Common Place. As of January 31, Jamie and I will be resigning our position and moving back to the United States.

We have had such a great experience here in loving on the community of Coquitlam and we will take with us the many joys that this season of life has brought to our family. It was a tough decision to step down and we spent much time praying through it and discerning what God was leading us to as a family.

We sincerely appreciate all the prayers that the members of this group have provided us over the last year or so and will always be thankful to you for the prayers that got us through our time here. We have much to be thankful for as we look back over the last 8 months here on the ground.

We lived in the most beautiful place on the planet, we made some great friends, we impacted individuals with the love of Christ, we encouraged fellow believers, and we sought every day, in every encounter to beam the light of Jesus in this place.

We have no regrets, we leave here with hearts still very much on fire for The Lower Mainland of British Columbia, we leave here longing for God to finish a work he has begun here in Coquitlam.

We covet your prayers over the next few weeks as we travel back to Mississippi, as we readjust to life back in The South, as we just seek out where God wants us next. We have far more questions than answers at this point but we cling to the thing we as a family have clung to since day one. God has a plan for us, and we will run as fast as we can to follow that plan.

We appreciate everything. We hope to continue sharing our journey along the way. 

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I hope that explains some. There are details that honestly some of you will never know. We are not upset (well, a little because we sold everything thinking we'd stay years-forever), but for the sake of our family, we must go. It's been exciting to have mothers come to me and ask about our faith. We've made connections that I will continue to to work on and through no matter where we settle. We have ideas about our future landing spot but you'll have to stay tuned for that! We leave Thursday and Hayden is very ready. This has been hard for him. We look forward to the changes God is bringing into our lives and know we never would have considered them had it not been for our time in Canada. 

Vanity

I wouldn't consider myself a vain person; insecure, yes. But not vain. But when I get overwhelmed with life, I have found that I look to make quick changes on things I can control. For instance, my hair. I love short(er) hair; my husband hates it. I'm sure you're thinking, "Seriously? She's writing a blog post about her hair length?"

Well, there are much deeper issues taking place that I can't divulge at the time, and losing weight is an on-going, lengthy process, but hair, especially the cutting of the hair, is a quick fix. I'm not saying I want to cut my hair at this very moment, but I am strongly considering one of the following looks:

I've done the stacked inverted bob (think Victoria Beckham) before and I'm sure you see a pattern here. I'd sort of like to go choppy, but I am not really sure how to style that. I do like the shorter bob with layers. Who knows. I'll just stew on the idea for awhile. Oh, I'm also open to suggestions!

Home

It's amazing how the simple word "home" has so many different meanings. Canada has never truly felt like home---nothing about it. Journeying across the border into WA (a state so different from MS) feels amazingly more normal than our everyday lives here in British Columbia. Maybe it's seeing MPH on the speed limit signs instead of KM/H; maybe it's knowing McD's and Wendy's have true dollar menus instead of $1.39 or $1.89 options; maybe it's seeing clearance prices at discount stores that are under $10-15 instead of seemingly stopping at $25 (how is that clearance?!). I know those are silly examples, but today my heart is just overwhelmed.

Hayden hates living here. That affects how I feel about it, even though I've tried to be very positive and find as many outlets as possible for us to meet families. The rain really does mess with your mind. I'm not depressed, but with it being dark so much of the day, it is hard to get motivated. Finding a job here is nearly impossible (unless we immigrate, and we're not). Honestly, I miss my house. My home. I miss my big kitchen and Hayden being able to run and jump and us not having to say, "Don't do that! The neighbors are going to complain!"

When we visited MS in November, we went "home." I don't so much miss the actual state as I do family, friends, and knowing where everything is. I have no idea who actually reads this thing, and I haven't updated much over the past few months because there are certain things we really didn't need to share with the entire world.

This year is going to be crazy; no doubt about it. We're not exactly sure how some things are going to play out right now. We have MANY decisions to make. 2012 was a year of growth and change and 2013 looks to be the same. There are things I can't share right now and there are things that will never make it to Facebook. I just needed to write. Ever feel that way? Right now, I'd love nothing more than to disappear for a weekend with David, but it's okay. I wish we knew everything God was going to do, but He surely has a sense of humor!