Is that a mop on my head?

Okay, so this post has nothing to do with an actual mop, but figuratively speaking, this is about what Hayden's head looked like! David and I can never say that our child needs more hair. I had been able to keep it trimmed and shaped for the most part, but we finally reached a point where my limited expertise was no longer enough. So we took Hayden to Gulfport yesterday (we had some shopping to do) and had his hair cut. Below are some pictures from the experience.

Our stylist for the day, Ashley, has a 3YO herself, so she was wonderful with Hayden. He sat by himself for the entire cut, and when he got wiggly, she provided a few suckers for him. I didn't think this through very well; I had the camera, but forgot a bag for a lock of his hair and didn't think about any sort of distraction. But we made it with very minimal needs and he looks wonderful. I forgot to take a picture of him dressed for church this morning, but he's now truly a little boy. No more baby! I'm just glad I can see his eyes again and his "mop" is tamed...for a day or two, at least!

First haircut: 1/29/11 Cost Cutters, Gulfport, MS

No Word

Absolutely no word (well, except for one saying the position was filled) from ANY of the churches I sent my resume to. While that's slightly discouraging, David and I have been exploring other options and discussing where we want our lives to go, where we feel led.

I have to tell you, I hate this. All of it. This waiting and wondering. This anticipation and discouragement. This YES! then No.

Do you remember thinking as a kid in school that when you were an adult everything would make sense? Everything would be easier? And every adult laughed in your face when you talked about just wanting to be older and have a job, etc., etc., etc.? Well, I thought it. And said it. And most days I'd give anything to be one of my students where my biggest worry is middle school drama. Don't get me wrong...some of my kids come from some crazy households, and their everyday lives are insanely worse than my worst day. I get that.

I don't want this to sound like I hate my life. That's not it. I'm just tired of feeling like we're called to more, yet this and that are holding us back. It's frustrating to feel called to contact churches, then not hear a word. I've done this before, so I do have an idea how it works. But it's still difficult when you know in just a few short months you have to sign a contract for next year.

Things have simply been worse for me because between me being sick, then David, and now Hayden, I've had WAY too much time to think. If you know me at all, this is a b.a.d thing! I start stressing and worrying and bugging the crud out of David. Poor man.

So that's just where I am today. Hayden is fantastic. Complete sentences and outrageous stories. He's so smart!! He loves to help clean, and like me, he can't stand for doors and drawers to be left open. He may look like his daddy, but he's definitely me made over!! David has been wonderful with me...patient, understanding, and wanting the absolute b.e.s.t for our family. I'm so immensely blessed to have a man know me and love me the way he does!

Real

It's now real. No more just talking. I just sent out my resume to about 6 or 7 churches. Here's to playing the waiting game!

My heart isn't sure how to feel right now. It's a mixture of relief, anxiety, and everything in between!

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Just a sidenote: Here are a few recent pictures of Hayden that I just love!

New Year, New You

Okay, so 2011 is probably going to be bringing many changes to our lives. Some of these I'm ready to talk about, and some I'm not. While I know putting my thoughts out there can help with accountability, there are just a few things I'm not quite ready to share.

I always fear that when I say "changes are coming," people automatically assume we're pregnant. Why? Because this has happened over and over and over and... Well, we're not. To my knowledge, there are no plans for another Ainsworth this coming year. God may have other plans, but for right now, we're making other life decisions before we bring another baby into our lives.

Those changes might very well involve career and location changes. I don't think I'm jumping the gun throwing that out now. Most of you know that I'm looking to go back into children's ministry. And David's job, while he's very good and has moved up consistently, is not permanent. That is not where my husband's heart is; it's not his calling. And I'm not going any further than that right now.

After being home with Hayden the past 2 weeks, we've seen significant changes in his personality. He's always a pleasant child and fun, but he's been different. That's gotten us thinking, "Should I be a stay-at-home mom?" We know this much: we can't stay in our current house or living the way we do if I were to stop teaching. I'm not saying that's our plan, but it could be another change for 2011. I have the utmost respect for stay-at-home mothers because there have been many moments when I needed a break and couldn't take one. Hayden is wonderful, but some days are very trying!

I don't know where else to go with this post. I have a million and one thoughts rolling in my head and I can't put them all down. David and I are still discussing many of them. Silly planner than I am, I want those answers now! But it's not time. Even if I knew some of the answers, there's not a thing I could do as I'm under contract until June 1.

So all of that being said, does anyone have any advice on writing a statement of faith? David and I both need to get one written! Thanks!

Potty Training

I'm sure everyone of you has PT advice, and I'd appreciate it. Hayden is only 20 months, but he has been showing definite signs of being ready. He's showing even more signs now that we've brought the potty chair into the equation. Tuesday, I decided I was going to go full force with potty training. I realize Hayden is still a little young, but there are a ton of reasons David and I felt he might be ready. (*I only did this on Tuesday---for a variety of reasons; I'm letting him fully dictate his readiness now.)

To make a long story short, Hayden might still be ready or not ready. I haven't come to a conclusive decision yet. But after very little prodding, Hayden is demonstrating more and more signs of ridding our lives of diapers. That would be an AMAZING way to start the New Year--no more diapers! I don't know if we'll make it by then, and I'm not going to force him to train. He initiates wanting to sit on the "big" potty and we do know the sign for "potty," which we're using.

My ultimate goal is to have him PT'ed by 2, if not before. I really think it'll be sooner rather than later, but if I know my son, pushing him to do anything means nothing is getting accomplished!

So, New Year's resolution #1? Being sensitive to Hayden's need and want to get out of that diaper! (Plus, diapers don't go up any further sizes for him if he outgrows 6's, and we can't afford to go strictly pull-ups!)

Christmas Candids

Christmas 2010

(These are in reverse order from Christmas Day night through Christmas Eve; sorry, but I'm too lazy to fix them right now!)

Playing Wii!

Santa requested puppy chow at our home this year!

We started in our Christmas Elmo pj's, but being sick and running a temp made us look for something cooler!

Throwing out reindeer food.

EL-BO!

Okay, so that really says ELMO! After Christmas yesterday, I am beginning to believe we could open an Elmo souvenir store in our home! I don't have pictures ready to put up since I have one sick little mister and I'm running on very little sleep, but yesterday was great.

Our son now has enough Elmo shirts to wear to school for an entire week without me washing! We own 3 pair of Elmo pjs, 6 new Elmo movies, another "lovie" Elmo, an Elmo medical kit, 2 Elmo puzzles (and a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse one!), an Elmo mailbox shape sorter, who knows how many more Elmo books, 2 Elmo guitars, an Elmo cellphone, 2 Elmo activity books, an Elmo stocking, and who knows what else I'm fogetting! But you can definitely get the idea. This is in addition to everyting Elmo we already own!

As Hayden opened each gift (wrapped in Elmo wrapping paper, mind you), he yelled, "Elbo!" and then put the box aside and reached for another gift. Santa left a Jeep for us to ride outside and a tent with a tube to climb through. Nana and Papa got him a perfect Hayden-sized blue chair (in which he's watching MMClubhouse right now) and a school bus climbing toy with a slide. Talk about in love with that thing! And he got tons of clothes and more Elmo toys from Aunt Christy, Uncle Joseph, Devin, and NaNa. The only downside to this entire weekend has been a sick baby and missing the Christmas Eve service. Oh well; gotta get the boy well!

Pretty soon we'll be upgrading his room and transforming the front bathroom into "his" bathroom. And in just 4 months, we'll have a 2 year old on our hands! Time to start planning the Elmo party now!!